Rather Be Dreaming

Reality is encroaching on my perfect dream of waking up late, writing all day, and going to sleep at 3AM.  My parents, who read this blog (hi, guys), will be thrilled to hear this: I actually need to really, really start trying to get a job.  Paying the rent is one of those things that mature, responsible adults have to do, you know?  But unfortunately, my brain, which has done me the honor of deciding to love something I can’t make a living at, has also wired itself in such a way that I can only focus on one project at a time, and I will always pick the project I love over the one that drives me up the wall every time I think about it.

I suppose that’s not really unusual.  No one likes looking for a job, and I don’t particularly like whining about it.  I’m more concerned about the fact that I haven’t been writing.  I guess that’s normal, too: I’ve been focusing so much on prepping my manuscript, getting everything formatted, and trying to bludgeon my way into people’s consciousnesses that I can’t really focus on being creative.

But I think I’m starting to hate my story again, and that’s not good news.  I don’t hate the story – it’s a good story.  But while I love reading about political intrigue, I’m terrible at writing it.  I guess it’s a good thing I’m not on the school board or anything, because my first reaction when a character has a problem with someone else is to assassinate them.  Works every time, doesn’t it?  My two main characters are relatively low-ranking people, going up against a very powerful guy with an entire intelligence service at his disposal.  It doesn’t make sense why they aren’t dead yet.  This presents a problem.

I think I can solve it, more or less, by rewriting Sareisa a bit.  She’s been annoying me anyway, and is one of the major reasons I can’t really get into it right now.  It means going back through a hundred thousand words and redoing about half of them, the thought of which makes me cringe, but I don’t think I can move forward like this.  It’s so frustrating.

It was so simple to write TLDTC.  It was effortless.  The story came, the characters came, the plot worked itself out with only minor inconveniences.  I think, as I mentioned before, that trying to inject personal stuff into my character has made it difficult.  Not that there aren’t elements of myself in Tev – there certainly are – but not in the same way.  I know that the advice is to write what you know.  But I write fantasy because I don’t like what I know.

Bleh.  I’m thinking about putting in on hold and maybe playing around with writing a prequel to TLDTC.  There’s definitely a lot of material I can cover, and since I already know what’s supposed to happen, basically, it could be a nice little exercise that’s interesting without being all-consuming, leaving me plenty of brain space to focus on a job search.  Writing should be fun.  I should enjoy it.  I know from experience that if I’m not really into something, I won’t make the effort required to make it the best it can be.  I should listen to myself.  And besides, it’s not like I have a contract or anything.  No one’s dictating what I must or must not write.  I’m going to give it some thought.

Would you prefer to see a prequel about the fall of the empire and the origins of Tev’s family, or The Paper Flower?


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